How to Deal With Difficult Wedding Guests
by Chris Brower
Last Updated: February 16, 2020
You’ve probably heard of “bridezillas.” But in nearly 200 weddings, I don’t think I’ve ever encountered one. Sure, sometimes a bride or groom can be a little demanding or uptight, but in general, I’ve found them to be great to work with. And if not, whatever, you do the one wedding and then you won’t see them again anyway.
It’s really the guests who can be most difficult and really push your buttons.
Yeah, surprising, right?
“This song sucks!”
I don’t know if it’s alcohol or what, but sometimes guests will flat out tell you that what you’re playing sucks.
They’ll literally say that: “This song sucks!”
Or you’ll start a song and they’ll yell, “Change it! Ugh! Change it!” I’m not exaggerating in the least. It’s seriously shocking. How rude is that!? Meanwhile, the dance floor could be FULL, everyone else loving the song, having a blast, but this particular guest doesn’t like the song, so apparently their taste is what dictates the music for the night, and they’re the one who, I guess, hired (and controls?) the DJ?
No!
This has happened to me tons of times. It’s mind-boggling. You sometimes just have to ignore them or just nod and fake laugh and then hope they give up. That said, if the dance floor does clear, like with any song, find an appropriate time to fade out that song and then move onto a different one.
Just a couple weeks ago, a guest approached me to complain about the song I was playing (“Come on, this is terrible!”) and only backed off when I informed them, “The couple asked me to play this song.”
Sadly, a lot of guests think the DJ entirely decides what songs are played, when often the DJ is simply fulfilling what the couple asked for.
Ready for the complete guide to becoming a wedding DJ? Here you go.
Someone Who Did Not Want to Bring “Sexyback”
Perhaps the most bizarre incident I had was one wedding where I played “Sexyback” by Justin Timberlake, which is usually very popular. One guest, a man in his 60s, stormed over and said, “Change it!” very forcefully.
I just kind of ignored him. He was not the groom or a parent of either the bride or groom. He ended up coming back THREE times during the song, very angrily insisting I change the song, despite my saying, “Sir, the couple asked me to play this song” (it was on their list!). I eventually had to get a little stern with him and say, “Sir, you need to walk away. You need to walk away.”
I literally thought this man might punch me, but finally some other guest escorted him away.
Requests
Most of your guest interactions will come in the form of song requests.
Requests can be tricky.
When it comes to the couple, play 100% of the songs they ask for during the night.
The rules for guest requests are something else. In general, consider:
- Do you think the song will be popular (aka, will people dance to it?)? People sometimes request something so obscure or so not danceable that it’s just going to fall flat. It could be an absolutely amazing Simon & Garfunkel song, but it’s just probably not going to fill the dance floor, and worse, might clear it out. That said, I’ve sometimes taken a gamble on a song that I thought for sure would bomb, and it actually filled the dance floor. So, you never know. When taking a risk with a song, have a “for sure” hit ready to go in case you need to recover from a cleared dance floor. I often save any of the group dance songs like “The Cupid Shuffle” for this, because those songs are extremely popular and can bring the guests back out.
- Does it fit with the instructions the couple gave you? For example, the couple might have asked that no country songs be played, but at the reception a guest asks for a country song. In that case, you should definitely not play the guest request.
When given a bad request, you can write it down and say, “Okay, we’ll see if we can do that” or something similarly noncommittal, or you can explain why you won’t play it (“Sorry, but the couple asked for no songs from the 80s.”).
Some guests will totally understand, while others will probably argue with you about it. Yeah, it sucks. It’s a frustrating aspect of the job. This is probably the area where you’ll receive the most friction from other people: dealing with requests.
Your goal as always is to handle things as professionally as possible. You shouldn’t tell them their request “sucks” or would “clear the floor” or anything like that. Instead, “Unfortunately, that song just doesn’t fit with the couple’s preferences for the night” or something similarly gentle.
Still, some people will argue with you even more and then go over to talk to the couple to convince them that their request should be played (and probably share some bad words about the DJ). This is particularly frustrating, because the guest is essentially then making it about themselves—“I want to hear this song, so it should be played no matter what!”—rather than understanding that this night is 100% about the couple and the couple’s wishes. And thus, if the couple doesn’t want country music (or whatever), then it shouldn’t be played.
That said, most couples want to please their guests too, so they might be willing to bend their rules to fulfill a guest’s request. Sometimes the bride or groom will walk over and say, “Hey, it’s actually okay to play _____.” By all means you should then play it. It’s tough, because it makes you look kind of bad, as if you were being a jerk, so I sometimes say, “Okay, absolutely. I just was following the instructions you gave me. No problem!” and then play the song.
Another annoying thing about requests is that requesters will sometimes bug you if you don’t play their song within a certain amount of time after they initially asked.
It’s not uncommon to have someone ask for a song and then twenty minutes later come over to the table and say, “Uh, bro, when you gonna play it?” Some people can be downright pushy. As always, handle it as professionally as possible. Sometimes you simply have to remind people that you likely have other requests you have to play too, as well as what the couple has asked for, that you’ll find a good spot to fit it in, etc.—or you might need to tell them, if it’s a song you’re simply not going to play, why.
"Backseat DJs"
As well, you’ll have guests that I like to refer to as “backseat DJs”: guests who request several songs, essentially giving you a long list to play, or coming back to the table over and over again with a ton of requests, practically taking over DJ duties. “Okay, man, I’m gonna need you to play ‘I Want It That Way.' Then after that, do ‘Get Low,’ followed by ‘Yeah!’ and maybe then ‘Party Rock Anthem.’ Thanks, bro!” Similar to people who request a song and then get annoyed when you don’t play it immediately, you might have to remind this person that there are many requests you have to get to, and you can’t guarantee you can play every song, etc.
Ultimately you want to create a good flow, so just because someone requests a song, even if it’s a great song to play, that doesn’t mean you need to play it immediately. However, remember, any songs the couple asks for throughout the night should be played as soon as possible.
Now, of course, it’s not that all requests are bad. In fact, a lot of them are great! A lot of times someone will request a song and mention, “The bride and me and all our friends used to jam out to this in college,” and that’s a gold comment, because likely when you play that song, the dance floor is going to go crazy, and you might not have guessed that on your own.
As well, I’m particularly excited when someone requests a slow song (that would work with the music plan for the night) and they tell me, “This is the song my spouse and I had our first dance to at our wedding.” If it works with the rest of the night’s plan, I love being able to play a song that has special significance to one of the other couples.
Most Guests Are Great
I don’t want to hate on guests. Guests are often awesome. I’ve formed friendships with guests that continued after the wedding.
But some will be difficult.
You have to do your best to keep your cool and diffuse the situation. Certainly, if someone’s legit out of line, try to get security or the event coordinator or someone from the venue to handle it. Your responsibility is playing awesome music for the couple and their guests, not engaging in a bareknuckle fistfight with someone who apparently hates the music of Justin Timberlake (maybe he was more of a Joey Fatone fan).