Wedding Reception Party Killers
(and what the DJ can do about them!)

by Chris Brower
Last Updated: December 15, 2021

Many of your clients are planning a wedding for the first time. They’re excited about all the fun events and the special, emotional moments they’ll remember for a lifetime. Everyone says they want to “throw an amazing party,” but many are naturally unaware of the common wedding reception party killers that could happen if they’re not careful, leaving their guests bored and the dance floor empty.

This is where an experienced wedding DJ can steer them in the right direction.

The DJ should work to fulfill the couple’s wishes, but sharing some smart suggestions could lead to a better event and happier clients. Sometimes a wedding coordinator can fill this role, but often it’s on the DJ to be on top of things, share ideas based on past experience, and ensure the event truly is an amazing time.

For simplicity’s sake, I’ll define a wedding reception party killer as anything likely to bore or annoy a large number of wedding guests, causing them to mentally check out or consider leaving early, or anything that can unintentionally make the dance floor clear out for several minutes. I’ll also include some things that, at the very least, will make things awkward for a bit.

Here are some common wedding reception party killers – and what the DJ can do about them.

Technical Difficulties

The most obvious wedding reception party killer: technical difficulties. If your DJ equipment malfunctions to the point you can’t keep the party going, you’re in serious trouble. That’s why it’s absolutely essential you not only have good DJ equipment to begin with, but also plenty of backups. Be prepared and always have some sort of “just in case” kit. It’ll save you in the event of a technical issue.

Some must-have backups include:

AA batteries* (for any wireless microphones)
1/4″ cables
Laptop (or other music-playing device)
Music backup
Power cords
Etc.!

Sounds cliche, but it’s true: better to be safe than sorry.

One particular technical difficulty that can plague an event has been covered in-depth in the article, Easy Fix for Wireless Microphone Popping/Static Sound.

Too Many Back-to-Back Events (Other Than Dancing)

While it’s good to group certain things back-to-back, if you group all the scheduled events of the reception together, it can make for a long time before the open dancing begins, and guests can start to get annoyed.

It’s good to break things up with a period (say, 30 minutes) of open dancing.

The special, sentimental moments (first dance, cake cutting, dances with parents) make sense to do earlier in the evening when everyone is there. If you’re doing the anniversary dance (all the married couples dance, and you see who’s been married the longest), you especially want to do that earlier in the evening, as often the couple who’s been married the longest is older and likely to leave early. Plus, many photographers don’t stay the entire time, so you really want to get those early events in before the photographer leaves.

The sillier, wilder events – garter toss, bouquet toss, etc. – can often occur later in the evening after a period of open dancing.

Here’s a timeline I often do that seems to work well.

Dinner
Toasts
Cake Cutting
Couple’s First Dance
Dances With Parents
Anniversary Dance
Open Dancing
Garter Toss
Bouquet Toss
Dollar Dance
Open Dancing to the end

You could break things up even more, with more periods of open dancing between events, but it can also get a little too herky-jerky if you’re repeatedly opening up the floor to dancing, stopping for 10-15 minutes for an event, then open dancing for a bit, then stopping the dancing for a bit, etc.

The Never-Ending Dinner

If you’re not careful, dinner can go on forever, and guests can get restless. I’ve seen hordes of guests leave, because dinner lasted too long.

Unfortunately, the DJ can only do so much if the caterers are slow to bring out the food, or the wedding has 250 guests, and it’s a buffet. With even smaller weddings, buffets take a long time to get through.

Another dreaded party killer: the couple who goes around to each table to talk with everybody. This alone will make dinner drag on for another 30 minutes or more – and that’s after the long time where the couple was just eating their own dinner.

Again, as the DJ you can only do so much. It makes sense that the couple might want to talk to every person and share their thanks. They should! But doing this during dinner can make it drag on for a long time.

So what can the DJ do to speed up dinner?

Get toasts started even though everyone’s not done eating. While you should wait until everyone’s been through the buffet line (if it is a buffet), you don’t have to wait until everyone’s done eating to start the toasts. Similarly, if it’s a served dinner, you don’t necessarily have to wait until the entrees have been served to start toasts. Note: You want the couple to have finished eating of course.
When talking to the couple in the days before the wedding, encourage them to skip going around to each table, or least encourage them to be quick. Remind them of how much dinner can drag on if they talk to each table. Most don’t want that, so they might welcome this good advice. You can also remind the couple that they can still do this after dancing starts.
Enlist the wedding coordinator to urge the couple to finish visiting tables. If dinner is dragging and the couple is visiting each table, you could approach the couple yourself and say, “Hey, just checking in. Dinner is starting to drag and people are looking restless. Should we get the dancing started soon?” Or better yet, ask the wedding coordinator. Often, this person’s role is even more timeline-focused, and it might seem less intrusive than the DJ interrupting their socializing time.

Ready for the complete guide to becoming a wedding DJ? Here you go.

Too Many Speeches/Too Long Speeches

Speeches from the bridal party and family members (and whomever) are a nice way for people to honor the couple on their special day.

These are also the moments where the party can really drag. After the fifth or sixth person is giving a speech (many of them topping five minutes), with many of the speeches filled with inside jokes that are confusing to the rest of the guests, or maybe the third in a row that starts with, “For those who don’t know me, my name is…,” guests can quickly get antsy.

So what can the DJ do? Well, not much. This is a part of the night where we can’t really intervene. However, there are a few things we can do before the speeches even start that might help, particularly a few days before (or whenever) when you’re planning the timeline with the couple.

Express concern if there are several scheduled speakers. If there are, say, more than four speakers scheduled, it’s okay to say (days before the wedding), “Just so you know, the speeches part of the night can really drag and lose guest interest. If you do want all of these speakers to talk, you might encourage them to make their speeches four or so minutes tops.”
Discourage “passing the mic.” Occasionally couples float the idea of just passing the microphone around during speeches and letting anyone who wants to talk, do it. If they’re dead set on it, you should do it. But otherwise, it can be good to discourage this, as the speeches portion now drags on even longer. Plus, this is when you get more of the awkward, rambling speeches or the amateur comedians who just want to roast the groom, etc.
Explain microphone etiquette. Despite most people understanding that a microphone is used to make your voice louder, many people still hold it 16 inches from their mouth or gesticulate wildly as if the microphone is a baton. A quick demonstration to the speakers of how to hold a mic won’t necessarily make the speeches shorter, but it will reduce having to hear annoyed guests yell, “We can’t hear you! Turn it up!!”

Father of the Bride & Bride/Mother of the Groom & Groom Dance

These dances offer an emotional moment for a parent of the bride or groom to dance with their child. They’re also a time when most guests will turn to their phones for entertainment or start chatting.

Sure, there will be the few family members who will watch (there’s always one aunt filming with her phone), but most guests will tune out. At some weddings, the commotion from guests is so loud, it’s almost embarrassing.

So what can the DJ do? If the couple wants to dance with their parents, they for sure should. It’d be rude of the DJ to try to talk them out of it, especially since this is often a special moment for the parent.

But there are a few options to speed this up or make it more of interest for the rest of the wedding party:

Do the same song for both the father of the bride & bride/mother of the groom & hroom dance. Instead of a separate song for each, do them at the same time. That cuts down the time in half.
Shorten the songs. No one realizes how longggg four minutes is until you watch a father of the bride and the bride shuffling and swaying awkwardly for that length of time. Either plan with the couple ahead of time how long before you’ll fade it out (90 seconds or two minutes is usually good) or just suggest they nod at you when they’re ready to end it, and then you’ll fade it out. Most couples are thrilled by this idea!
Encourage some sort of special dance. Guests enjoy the parent dance WAY more if the dance is actually entertaining to watch. A medley of songs, crazy dance moves, props, etc. Usually this idea comes from the bride or groom, not the DJ, but you could throw it out as an option. These are the videos that go viral.
Invite other mothers/sons or fathers/daughters to dance. You can make this dance a little more special if you, for instance, play the first minute of the song for just the parent and child and then invite any other mothers/sons or fathers/daughters (or whatever combination) to join for the remainder of the song. You’ll of course need to explain this over the mic before the song starts, so they’re ready.

Of course, for any of these you should plan this with the couple ahead of time. Don’t just shorten the song or invite other mothers/sons or fathers/daughters without the couple agreeing to it!

The Disappearing Bride or Groom

Ever announce a particular event (first dance, dance with the parent, etc.) and the person it’s for is nowhere to be found?

Sadly, this happens a lot.

Recently, I did a wedding where the couple danced their first dance, and then I announced the following dance (the groom’s dance with his mother), and the groom was, well, gone! It wasn’t a magic trick – immediately after finishing the first dance, he had left to use the restroom or get another drink or something. It led to an awkward thirty seconds of trying to find him.

What can the DJ do?

This one’s pretty obvious – make sure everyone is ready and aware of the schedule, particularly if things are back to back. I had made sure the couple was ready for their first dance, but I hadn’t reminded them that right after were the dances with the parents, so the groom obviously forgot he needed to stay put right after the dance ended.

Missing Garter Belt or Bouquet

Similarly, for events that require a specific object, such as the garter for the garter toss and the bouquet for the bouquet toss, make sure the couple is ready with those things.

It creates an awkward few minutes if you announce something, and the important object is nowhere to be found.

What can the DJ do? Before doing the garter toss or bouquet toss, I always check in with the couple and make sure they want to do those things now (occasionally, they’ll want to push it back or save it for later). But I’ve learned over the years, it’s not only that – I need to remind them to have the required objects! I’ve certainly made the mistake of announcing the bouquet toss, and the bride and her friends race to the dance floor, eager and excited…but, oh, where’s the bouquet?

Don’t announce any event until everyone necessary (bride, photographer, whomever) is ready and all the objects are there.

A Bad Music Playlist

This is so obvious I debated not even including it. But every DJ runs into this: a couple who is insistent on a particular playlist of songs that are likely going to be unpopular.

The DJ’s main job is to carry out the wishes of the couple. So if the couple is insistent and fine with very little dancing, well, then you did your job! But many, upon realizing the dance floor is empty and everyone looks bored, will happily defer to your judgment to get a real party started.

So what can the DJ do if the couple picks songs that are likely to be unpopular?

Share your concern. Many couples welcome an honest opinion. “These are good songs, but I’m worried they won’t be particularly popular. I’ve played _____ at three weddings this year, and it’s always cleared the floor.” Some couples might agree to cut the song.
Suggest playing those songs during dinner. Dinner is a great chance to play songs that are less likely to generate a lot of dancing. Dinner music doesn’t just have to be Frank Sinatra or Adele. Heck, I’ve played an obscure Nirvana song a couple wanted during dinner once. See if the couple is okay with you playing those particular songs during dinner.
Mix the less popular songs with “for sure” songs. Unless the couple has dictated every single song you have to play and the order, you could spread those throughout the night in between your more guaranteed popular songs. You can also have a “for sure” song ready in case a song clears the floor. Some ideas include:
- “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston
- “Yeah!” by Usher
- “The Cupid Shuffle”
- “The Cha Cha Slide”

Of course, I’ve also been surprised several times. “Oh no, this song is going to clear the floor!” and then I play it, and it’s extremely popular. Lesson learned!

It’s worth noting that obviously a bad playlist might also be your fault, not the couple’s. You could pick the wrong songs. So do your best to get to know the couple and their guests, listen to requests, and mix up the genres. You don’t have to group all the country songs together, all the rap songs together, all the Motown songs, etc. Mixing things up more keeps people interested and on their toes.

Karaoke

Some people love karaoke at weddings, and some people really don’t. Either way, it sort of kills the dance floor if done for more than a song or two. People either stop to watch the person singing or simply leave the dance floor, as it’s often hard to dance when someone is loudly bellowing over the music.

It can be fun to watch someone sing karaoke for a song or two. But after a while, especially if it’s not your friends, it can get kind of tiresome watching yet another person drunkenly try to sing “Ice Ice Baby” or whatever the song.

What can the DJ do?

Urge the couple to skip the karaoke, unless they have their heart set on it. You could also research local karaoke bars that might make for a good after-party rather than doing karaoke at the wedding.
Keep it brief. Schedule it so it lasts twenty minutes top or some other set time length rather than just endlessly going on.
Schedule it for late in the night. The guests who stay until the end are often more dedicated and willing to stay no matter what happens. Booze probably helps too. These guests might be less likely to flee at the first off-key notes from karaoke.

Sometimes, the karaoke isn’t planned but a pushy guest approaches the table, insisting you give them the mic, because they want to sing along.

Sometimes this goes well, but in my experience, this often goes really badly. In fact, I’ve had multiple brides look horrified or give me the “cut the mic!” motion as the guest drunkenly tried to rap along to 50 Cent or whomever.

What can the DJ do? Simply inform the guest, “Sorry, we can’t do that.” …And be prepared to stand firm, as the pushy guest scoffs and argues. If the bride or groom intervenes and says it’s okay, well, then that’s fine. But if not, you’re the DJ: You get to make this call.

Dollar Dance

The dollar dance is where, typically, guests can donate ($1, $5, etc.) to have a short dance with either the bride or groom. It gives the bride and groom a little one-on-one time with some of the guests, and the idea is the money can be used for the honeymoon (or whatever).

It can be fun – and oh boy, it can be a real party killer!

While maybe 20 or 30 guests will participate, many guests won’t. So they’re stuck on the sidelines, not dancing.

Plus, if a large group of guests get in line for the dollar dance, it can go on a long time. Even if each person dances with the bride or groom for under a minute, the dollar dance can easily stretch 20 or 30 minutes or more.

So, other than discourage couples from doing the dollar dance unless they really, really want to, what can the DJ do?

Remind the maid of honor and best man to keep it moving. Typically the maid of honor and best man collect the donations for the bride and groom and then tap the shoulder on the person dancing to signal it’s time for the next person. The DJ can encourage the maid of honor and the best man (or whomever is essentially officiating the line) to give each person about 45 seconds to a minute before tapping them on the shoulder and bringing over the next person.
Ask the couple if they want a song limit. I always ask couples if they want the Dollar Dance to go as long as people are in line or to limit it to a certain song count, such as four songs. If they choose the “limit” option, this ensures the dance doesn’t go on interminably in the event there’s a long line. After the dance ends, I announce, “We now invite everyone back to the dance floor. Apologies to the people we didn’t get to, but you’ll still have a chance to dance with the bride and the groom the rest of the evening,” as obviously people can still dance with the bride and groom even though it’s not the structured one-on-one time.
Schedule it later in the evening. Because the dollar dance is often so long, putting it early in the evening could further frustrate the guests who just want to dance with each other and cut loose. Schedule it later.

Not Getting Paid Before the Reception

Every DJ has a different policy on when they want the final payment – whether it must be received before the day of the event or if receiving it at the event is okay.

While I very much prefer getting any remaining payment before the wedding day, I understand some couples might feel more comfortable paying once I’ve actually DJed. (Note: I do always require a deposit/retainer upon booking.)

For the couples who choose to not pay me the remaining balance until the reception, many will give me an envelope first thing, and it’s all good.

Unfortunately, some forget, so I have to awkwardly remind them. I hate interrupting their fun night. Some don’t even have the check ready, or a parent is supposed to provide it, so you then have to track them down. Meanwhile, you’re still in the middle of DJing the reception!

You could wait until the reception is over, but many couples do a send off or leave quickly, so you could miss them.

So while this party killer doesn’t so much kill the party for everyone there, it can be a bit of a buzzkill for the couple if they don’t have the payment ready (and were in the middle of dancing or socializing) or the person supposed to be paying cannot be found.

So what can the DJ do?

Encourage/require payment before the wedding day.
Remind the couple of final payment details a few days before the wedding. Make sure they’re well aware they still owe you and what amount it is. It’s no fun getting the final payment and it’s less than what they still owe you.
Make a “payment plan” for the night. If the couple is going to pay you at the reception, plan ahead of time just how they’re going to do it. Find out who will be paying you (bride? groom? a particular parent?), and come up with a mutually agreed-upon plan (“Is it okay if I get the check during dinner before we’ve started toasts?”). They could still forget, of course, but hopefully it’ll be less of an awkward surprise when you ask.

Announcing "Last call!"

Want to clear a dance floor in ten seconds? Announce "Last call!" (the last chance for guests to grab a drink before the bar closes for the night). You'll see people who you could've sworn were earlier using a cane or walker now dash to the bar.

You might be able to get the guests back to the dance floor after they've gotten their last drink, but sometimes it can be challenge. Plus, the night is winding down anyway, so some people might hear "Last call!" as the party's over.

So what can the DJ do?

Not announce last call! In fact, some venues don't want you to, as I've learned. Some don't love the huge crowd that then appears when they're trying to close down the bar. Check with them and see.
Be ready with a "for sure" song. The dance floor is likely going to die for the next song or two while guests get their last drink. But maybe you can reel them back in by playing a "for sure" song, a song that works pretty much every time.

Party Killers Outside of the DJ's Control

Of course, there are other party killers the DJ has less ability to solve.

Intoxicated guests who get unruly or sick
Power outages
Fights
Family drama

For example, there was little I could do at the wedding where my dinner music was briefly drowned out by the mother of groom yelling to her sister, "Get the f*** out of here!" and then a crying woman storming across the floor.

There was also little I could do when a storm knocked out the power during a reception. While the remaining guests hung out in near darkness, except for the light from their phones, I played a couple songs on my laptop (using battery power), but just through the laptop speakers, as that's all that was possible at the moment.

Your job is not to police the night or solve every problem that has nothing to do with you, but certainly if there's a situation that needs attention, notify the right person if you're able (security, venue staff, wedding coordinator, etc.).

Conclusion

Great DJs anticipate party killers and can get things back on track. They also try to steer their clients away from common mistakes. This will increase the chance of a great event.

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Wedding Reception Party Killers(and what the DJ can do about them!)